Thursday, July 28, 2011

Change isn't always good...

This morning I woke up happy to celebrate the second birthday of my Princess. I was also excited because  I was scheduled for a echo-cardiogram today, and I just knew that based on how I have been feeling that my heart had gotten better. During the echo I noticed something slightly different from the norm, but did not ask the tech about it. I was still feeling pretty confident that my EF had increased or at least remained the same. I had an appointment for the same day results so I also had an EKG, and saw my doctor to explain the results. It took awhile because she went back looking at previous EKG's and what was suppose to be good news for me wasn't. I was informed today that I have developed a bundle branch block, and the thing that makes me nervous is that I have been feeling better and much stronger. I just knew that today we would have discussed coming off the meds, but that may never happen. She explained to me about how the heart functions when it develops a BBB, and I listened. Especially, to the part about how she  is trying to prevent me from having to get a pacemaker. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Yes, that was the thought running through my head because I just can't understand why this is happening to ME.

    My next appointment which would have normally been in 6 months has been scheduled for 6 weeks because of the bundle branch. I left the appointment, and it didn't sink in about what had just happened in that office until I got to Walgreens to buy a bottle of water. As I drank the water it flowed from my eyes, and as much as I tried it wouldn't stop. I hoped on FB looking for a funny joke from one of my friends, but posted "Really not understanding this black part mediterranean body of mine. How could one feel so much strength and confidence of getting better only to find out that the opposite it occurring inside. **Sigh!** At this rate these meds will be a staple in my life. **Sigh**" That was my thoughts at that moment, and I couldn't help but to think anything else. I picked up my children from daycare which rejuvenated a smile, and proceeded to see my friends to celebrate my daughters birthday. Although I couldn't get my mind off today's appointment being surrounded with friends kept me distracted. Now "Fat, sick, and nearly dead" truly means something to me, and the good thing is that I just received an email saying that my juicer has been delivered. Starting on Sunday I am going on a 60 day strictly raw diet. I am at t he point where I will try anything that does not compromise my health. Well, my next appointment is in 6 weeks, but I won't wait that long to post something. I need to really listen to my body, and focus on getting better.

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." ~Mahatma Gandhi

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